Bruce Willis is My Kryptonite

Boyfriend got me sick about a week ago. Now, it wasn't a horrible kind of sick, I wasn't puking my guts out, but I did have that gross joint pain that I associate with all sickness and agony.

Naturally I went to the local grocery store down the street and got myself Nyquil. I knew from many past experiences that joint pain coupled with a stuffy nose that would not stop running would lead to me not being able to sleep. And I like my sleep.

Boyfriend, feeling horrible for transmitting what I assumed was the Black Plague, came over to try and comfort me in my dying hours. I took a double dose of Nyquil, and calmly asked for him to find a Bruce Willis movie on Netflix.

"What?"

"You know, he is normally bald and plays in like action trash movies, but because he is the star, they are kind of classy?"

"I know who Bruce Willis is. Don't you want to watch a nice movie? Like, I don't know, The Sound of Music?"

I looked at him like he had grown a penis out of his forehead, (which, ladies, while that might be gross, it could also be...useful) and just crossed my arms.

"Bruce Willis puts me to sleep." I didn't feel that there needed to be much more of an explanation than that, but he felt very differently.

I have never seen the entire Live Free or Die Hard movie. I actually had no idea until about a year ago when I caught the tail end of the movie that anything exciting ever happened in the movie. I, of course, had some assumptions, but it wasn't until I came home one day, when FX was on and it was the end of the movie that I got to see the fireball of doom that became the highway in LFoDH, and all of the extra nonsense that comes with a Bruce Willis movie.

I have no idea what happened in Surrogates. I even bought a ticket to see the movie in theatres, and fell asleep about a third of the way in.

My dad and Sharon rented Looper. I have no idea what happened. Partially because I fell asleep, but also because time travel is a bitch.

I fell asleep almost the minute that Bruce Willis came on in Pulp Fiction. I woke up around the time that he got away with stealing all that money after some fight. (This is all information I gleaned from my step brother Nathaniel who loves Pulp Fiction.)

I literally have no idea what happened in The Fifth Element. I usually fall asleep right after he starts flying that car around with the weird ginger girl.

Moonrise Kingdom put me right to sleep. I think the movie was supposedly good, (Nathaniel and Sharon said so) but I woke up around the time of the storm and was forever lost.

And this is why I always want a Bruce Willis movie on when I am sick. While Mother believes that it has to do with movie violence soothing my inner beast, I know that there is just something about Bruce Willis that is incredibly calming, even if he is blowing shit up, shooting someone in the face, or trying to romance a lady. I will admit that I am secretly afraid that if I do ever meet Bruce Willis, I will simply fall into a coma.

Sucky Spring Break

So, basically this has been the worst Spring Break ever.

My car rolled to a grinding halt on the highway on Monday. Some kind of rod shot through the oil pan, resulting in all my oil pouring out all over the highway. Then a valve blew, and my car started smoking and me, of course, freaking out. I had to sit on the road in the cold for forty-five minutes waiting for a tow truck and my dad to come get me.

When we finally towed my car, she was declared dead. I was crushed.

Then on Tuesday, my grandpa took a turn for the worst. He was in really bad shape and had another clot in his arm. I had just visited with him on Saturday, and he seemed sickly, but not on death's door. He knew who I was, and even talked for a little while.

I went to visit him on Wednesday, and it was really bad. He seemed so sick and frail. He couldn't see anything, and was always looking past everyone when he did open his eyes. It was weird seeing how deteriorated he was. His eyes, which were normally brown, had turned almost all blue, and he was having little jerking spasms in his arms and legs. He couldn't talk at all, and mostly just moaned while he breathed.

I desperately wanted him to just snap out of it, but I knew he wouldn't. I finally broke down and cried. He was sort of looking at me though, so I turned my head into Sharon's shoulder. I wasn't sure if he couldn't or could tell that I was upset. I tried to smile every time he seemed like he was focusing, but it was so hard. I love him so much, and to see him like that was really rough. I felt like after twenty years of knowing him, I had somehow taken advantage of the little things, like his suspenders and the funny way his hair would just stick up. He was in a hospital gown and under blankets with his hair oiled onto his head because it was difficult to give him a bath. Hus face was even gaunt, and looking at him while he wheezed made me wish so hard for that roundness and his crooked smile.

When I finally went home, I was broken hearted. I couldn't stay because it was too hard, but I wanted to. I wanted to just stay and hold his hand like The Beatles song.

He died today at around 2:45 PM. I am so sad. Instead of being there, I was cleaning out my car at the mechanic's shop. Part of me was too chicken to go. I didn't want to see him take his last breath. I want to remember him as that sweet old man who would pay five dollars for a soda and eat a gallon of chocolate ice cream if he could. I want to remember him as my grandpa that taught me how to draw and took me to see Mulan and let me walk his dog that pulled like a huskie.

I love him, and hope that there is something more past just dying. Because he deserves to get a little slice of heaven.

Grandpa is in the Hospital

So, my grandpa is back in the hospital again. I don't want to be depressing, but it is really kind of hard not to, because I feel sad.

He takes heart medication that keeps his blood thin so he won't have a clot, and thus a stroke. But he started bleeding in his brain a few days ago. Since he was on the heart medication, he didn't have his normal clotting factors. Instead of the bleeding stopping like it normally would, the medication made him bleed and bleed and bleed.

So the doctors told us that the only thing to stop his brain from bleeding was to take him off the heart medication. He'll stop bleeding in his brain, but his heart if more likely to throw another clot that will lead back to his original problem: a stroke.

I am heart broken. Sharon said today, "He's damned if he does, he's damned if he doesn't." Basically my grandma and grandpa had to make a choice. Does he want to continue bleeding into his brain, or wait for a clot to form?

They decided to take him off the heart medication. It will give him more time, but honestly we are looking at anywhere between days to months. I hate to think about death. He is a very religious man, so I think maybe he isn't as afraid to die as I am afraid for him to die. I called my mom on my way to school to let her know what was going on, (since my mom and dad are divorced, she isn't really in the loop where my dad's parents are concerned) and I was making a huge effort to not cry. It's stupid to hold it back, but I feel like I need to be strong. He is my grandpa, but my dad is going to be losing his dad. It is going to be way harder on him, and I want to be there for my dad. I don't want to be a sobbing, snot-filled mess.

I am going to the hospital to see my grandpa. I don't want to write here that it is to say goodbye, because he could have months still, but the thought is there in my head. I hate that little voice, but I have to prepare for the worst, and hope that it is the very best.

But honestly, I don't want my grandpa to be in pain for even a second. I would rather he go quickly than have him hurting. So I don't know what the best is. Maybe it is getting to have months, or maybe the best would be for him to be gone in a week. I don't know at all. I only know that I love him so much. It makes me so sad to think of him as frail when I remember all of the times he has been so strong.

I just hate to think of him not being here one day. He is an old man, (89!), but there was still that childish hope that he would get to see my own kids.

Anyways, I didn't want to have a long period of no posts for no apparent reason. If I don't post for a while, this is the very valid reason. But I suspect that I will try to keep it updated here when I can. If anything, I will try to write a few post and have them scheduled so I won't leave everyone hanging.