Going Out with My Coworkers

I am like super awkward when it comes to going out with people I work with. Especially when it comes to the fact that I am like five years or more younger than everyone I work with. So this past Friday when I got asked to join a work going away party for my technical manager, I was like, "Oh sure!" But had serious plans to just flake at the last minute.

I usually get like super nervous and anxious when it comes to going out in large groups mostly because I don't like those awkward silences when no one has anything to say. I am like, Oh gosh, say something witty.

"Penis?"

Totally not witty.

So on Friday, when the decision was made to walk down to the bar street and meet everyone, I was out of luck in the flaking department. I ended up at the bar, sitting at the table full of people with nothing interesting to say because I am secretly really incredibly introverted. And say something like, Oh, yeah, I have like this really awesome blog that people actually read and think is slightly amusing just leads to people looking it up. And then going, wow, you are an incredible mess of a human. Why did we hire you? You can't work here anymore, you're fired.

So instead, I try to come up with something interesting about myself rather than my marginally amusing blog.

I am left with school, work, and my pets.

That is where the anxiety sets in.

Omg, I am not that interesting. I am super boring. I have nothing to contribute. I am so uncool. I feel like a weirdo. You feel like a weirdo, you are a weirdo! Stop talking to yourself. That is why you are so weird. Shuddup, shuddup, shuddup.

Hopefully there is some understanding now about my anxiety, nerves, and utter lack of normality.

That ALL being said, I ended up having a good time. Instead of talking to myself, I actually talked with everyone else. And made like good, honest conversations. Rather than conversations like this:

Person: I have a fish tank.

Me: Oh?

Person: Yeah. There is like water in it.

Me: And what kind of fish?

Person: No fish. I just filled it with water.

Me: I see. That's cool.

Person: Yeah. It's like so cool.

Me: Uh huh.

Person: Yeah.

Me: So...

Person: (Earnest looking eyes, mouth slightly open, tapping fingers on table.)

Me: Yup.

Instead, I was talking about stuff, and people were talking back, and people were buying me beer and food, and I was happy.

It was really weird. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I felt part of the group. I had things to say, but I didn't have to orchestrate anything. I wasn't the planner. I wasn't the star attraction. I was just tagging along for the ride and everyone was really chill.

And I didn't pay for anything. That was really awesome.