Saturday, February 23, 2013

Making a Snowman

So a few weekends ago I discovered my new favorite beer, (Blue Moon), made a snowman, and had a delightfully awkward few hours with a guy who is overly interested in me, whilst I am not so much in him.

To begin the evening, I went over to Ambria's to pick her up so we could go hang with Danielle for a few hours. A few weeks prior to this meeting, I had met up with Danielle to discover she had reverted from her earlier persona of a crazy person. She had effectively ruined my nineteenth birthday party by being a crazy person, and Ambria and I had avoided her since. But when I finally decided to meet up with her for the first time in a year and a half, she was normal, and seemed genuinely happy.

The change in Danielle led me to encourage Ambria to reach out to her too. Thus, the meeting up with Danielle was scheduled.

So we went to a coffee shop, talked for a few hours, after which Ambria and I decided to meet up with her new boyfriend at his house to drink some beers. We went to the store to buy our alcohols of choice, then went over to Corey's house.

Ambria and I sort of assumed that Corey's friend Joe would be there. But I figured after I had turned him down after asking me out, he wouldn't try to push the issue. I didn't want to date him, and most certainly did not want to hook up with him. There wasn't a pair of beer goggles that would make that happen. Sure, he is nice enough, but he has some serious issues with hygiene. Thanks, but no thanks. I like my boys showered, shaved, and with brushed teeth.

Still, I hoped he wouldn't be awkward about his admiration of me.

At first, things were fine. We were all drinking our beers, chatting about the fact the Joe and Corey knew Danielle from, "hellas ago," in middle school, and how she had changed so much afterwords. There was also talk of this one girl that was sort of stalking Ambria because she was dating Corey. Then the guys decided they were hungry and left to go to the store. Ambria and I went exploring the house.

At some point in time, we decided to look outside for the guys. Instead we found snow. Like inches and inches of the stuff.

Fueled by our intense love of the snow, and possibly by the beers we had already consumed, we donned our coats and headed outside for a stroll. We proceeded to walk up and down the street in the snow at two o'clock in the morning. There was a bar down the street where some guys were spilling out, but no one really bothered us. I scuffed my feet in the snow, making words and pictures. On a short brick wall, I drew a snow penis. And then Ambria and I got paranoid about leaving the door unlocked, and ran back to the house. Diving in through the front door, we slammed it closed and locked the handle and deadbolt.

We peeked outside to where a car was sitting with its headlights on. Convince it was a burglar, (or quite possibly and encyclopedia salesman) we grabbed the blue painter's tape and proceeded to tape the door closed.

The first thing wrong with this picture was that we were obviously in no danger. (Or else I wouldn't be writing this...) and secondly was that the door swung inward. So there was no way that some tape was going to hold the door closed.

At the time, it seemed like a genius idea. We hid in the bathroom.

The boys came home, and started buffaloing around like boys often do asking loudly, "Where are you guys?"

We giggled in the bathroom. They found us. We weren't too mad though, since they had salsa and chips.

It was then decided, after more beers were opened, that a snowman was to be made. I don't know if it was because they were city folks or what, but Ambria was the only other person to know how to make a snowman. We rolled and packed the snow until three in the morning, stacked the three balls of descending size one on top the other, and decorated him with carved potatoes, a hat advertising a cigarette company, and short little twigs for arms. He was beautiful. Until we made him into a snowcat.

This is our Snowman/cat. All of the stuff on the ground is grass. Because I was incredibly determined to make a three and a half foot tall snowman/cat. Yes, I still appear to be a giant, but have two plus feet on him didn't help.

After the snowman/cat was completed, we went inside. Chucking off our wet coats and shoes, we relaxed inside the warm house. I told Ambria if she wanted 'alone time' with Corey, she only had a half hour. She should be glad I am such an accommodating friend. Though honestly I feel like a Madame after helping Steph Dye get her own 'alone time' a few summers back.

They escaped upstairs, and I was left to be entertained by Joe. He wasn't very entertaining. After trying to convince me to smoke pot with him, (no thank you. I don't care what you do in your free time, but I am okay spending my free time not smoking pot with you...) he tried a different tactic to win my affections. Rubbing my feet.

Honestly, I don't mind a good foot rub, but I usually pay for it. Like at the nail salon or when I get a massage. Not some random dude. Yeah, I get it, I have cold-as-a-corpse feet, but I don't need a guy who I met only once before to rub them. Especially after he tells me he doesn't really like to shower, shaving his face and cutting his hair is out of the question, getting his teeth clean regularly is an expense he doesn't want to pay, and that he likes his women hairy like Chewbacca. I don't really know how he segwayed into any of those topics, but he managed to, all while trying to rub my little, corpsy feet.

I was ready to go, but apparently Ambria wasn't.

So I waited, pulling my feet up and under me, and nodding or shaking my head at Joe instead of making conversation. We got into an argument about fake boobs by the time Ambria and Corey graced us with their presence again. Ambria smiled at Joe and me, then said it was cool for us to head home. I was more than ready.

We said our goodbyes to Joe and Corey, cleaned off my car, and went back to her house to sleep. It was almost six in the morning. 

Ambria vowed to never leave me alone with Joe again.

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