The Float Trip

My dad and Sharon planned a float trip for July. Originally, Gina was supposed to come, but she didn't on account of many things, so I instead decided to bring my friends Ambria and Steph Dye.

A little background information will probably be good. Firstly, Ambria and I met in seventh grade, and have been steadfast friends. I only discovered around my freshman year of college that the only reason she ever talked to me to begin with was because she thought she would somehow be able to pick on me. Having two brothers and a male cousin has made me pretty unpickable. So my laughing at her attempts at being mean, and our similar intelligence levels made us easy friends. And lets not forget our endless sarcasm.

Steph Dye was met at our high school, freshman year. She was a bit of an enigma, though. She hung out with the seniors and juniors almost exclusively, and was incredibly talented at the cello. We didn't actually talk until we had a mutual class of IB Biology. We happened to sit next to each other, and it was like magic. We never stopped talking since that day.

It was natural for me to pick the two girls. I made all the plans on how to pick them up, procurement of coffee for the morning, and made sure everyone had a book.

Sharon and Dad drove separate cars, Dad in the truck with Sid, and the girls and I with Sharon and Dash.

It was a relatively pleasant drive until we got to the country road part of the trip, and the constant winding of the road made Steph sick.

Nonetheless, she made it through the wilderness, and we were finally able to set up camp. And even though the whole of the country was under drought warning, it managed to rain on us while we set up our tents.

After the tents were set up, we jumped in our bathing suits and headed for the river with the dogs. Sid was a natural swimmer, but my old boy Dash acted like he had never swam in his life.

I was deeply concerned about his annoyance with the river. I didn't want him to not enjoy himself just because he was an old man now.

That night Sharon "let" us drink. I was blasé about it. I was a little afraid to drink after my last bad weekend, so I only drank a few glasses of wine and super spiked punch.

The next morning, Sharon's friends Tammy, Laura and her boyfriend Jim, plus Dad's friend Ryan and his wife Dee. We were picked up on a bus and driven to the drop site, given our tubes and sent on our way.

Our way was an ice cold river on a day that was barely eighty degrees. I wasn't sure how fun it was going to be. After my ass cheeks were frozen solid, my hands and feet were slightly blue, I felt pretty fine. Ambria and Steph seemed to be okay too.

The only issue was that Sharon was not going to let us drink "under any circumstance." Her willpower was degraded over time, and when we finally made it to our second sandbar, I had more fruit punch and several Jello shots. And my dad was weirdly proud of me for showing Ambria and Steph how to do a Jello shot in one fell swoop.

By this point, it was my turn to take Dash. By this, I mean I had Dash laying across me and my inner tube. My sixty-five pound, very furry Australian Shepherd succeeded in elbowing me ribs, spleen, liver, stomach, appendix, and uterus. I thought I might have internal bleeding, but I soldiered on. I couldn't really kick him anyways. He was swimming like a bloated cow.

So for about three and half hours, I had my hot, wet dog draped across me like a quilt. It was about the time my ass was dragging over the twenty-third patch of rocks that I pawned Dash off onto Sharon. He seemed worried but content. She wasn't falling out the bottom of her inner tube, so I think that helped.

It was about hour six into our float that I think I gave up on life. I was sun tired, dehydrated, and had a case of skin pruning that was possibly irreversible. By that point, Dad, Ambria, Steph and I were all tied together via ropes and leashes. Before hand, Ambria and I had been the strongest swimmers and led our caravan away from rocks, trees, and stumps. At that point, we were more like dead weight. We ran into countless rock walls, trees, and fallen brambles. We didn't even have any drive to move out of the way of the drunk psychos jumping off of rock faces into an indeterminate depth of water.

Steph grew frustrated with our completely burned out demeanors. I didn't have any fight left to live though. And every passing person kept telling us how the dock site we needed was "just up the way." Ambria and I sang for the next hour this song for the next hour. We were obnoxious. 


When we actually made it around the river bend and were able to get off the water, I had never felt so relieved. Eight hours of river water and I was ready to not go on another float trip for at least two more years.

We were bused back to our camp site, and like Dash and Sid, Ambria, Steph and I collapsed into a very dead sleep.

Over all it was fun, and looking back on Ambria and I and our utter despondence to the walls of rock and dirt, and our butts being bruised by gravel because we are too tired to plank is pretty funny. We should have prepared ourselves mentally I suppose.