Saying Goodbye

So, the ex, Chris, left yesterday to go to boot camp for the Army. In the days before his departure, we hung out together and with other various friends. To say the least, we got into some trouble.


Some of the trouble was in the night before he left. See, the plan was to go to a (supposedly) haunted house. Even the "video evidence" didn't make me a believer that the house was haunted, but I have always considered myself a sceptic anyways. Chris, Gina, Carl, Gage and I all rode in Gage's car over to the haunted house, and Gina and I bounded out of the car and onto the porch, eager to begin the adventure.


The boys hung back, shuffling their feet on the sidewalk. I never thought of myself as fearless, but the procession made it seem like I really was the person who was least afraid of the house. It didn't even feel malevolent.


As the boys finally made it onto the porch, a guy in a white truck came around the corner. Apparently, he was a Rent-a-Cop, and he was hell bent on calling the real police.


Gage tried to reason with the guy, explaining that he used to live in the house, and look! He had the key for the front door.


The dude was not budging. Even after Gage told him who his parental people were, the guy was still disbelieving. "I know the lady," the dude said when Gage told him his mom's name, "but I don't remember you. I would have remembered you!" He then looked at Gage like he was some deformed hairless ape than a human and told us to leave.


With a sigh, we all left and headed over to the gas station. The original plan was to wait for the guy to just leave and walk over to the house, but the jerk had decided to park on the street and stare at us. We ended up shaking our heads and driving off to the park.


Like a group of little kids that were big enough to drive, we made it to the park and started running around and climbing all over things. Because I was cold like usual, I tried to move as much as possible. After I warmed up, I sat on the jungle gym kicking my feet and listened to the others talk.


It seemed like we should be talking about things much grander than that one time that one thing happened, but reminiscing seemed a lot easier than saying goodbye to Chris just yet. Though we had broken up, Chris and I still had a connection that had kept us in contact with each other. It was only in the past month or so we had started to become friends again, and I knew I wasn't ready to just lose that.


The boys, itching to move, went chasing after a stray cat, and Gina and I ended up sitting under a pile of hoodies. We watched the boys for a while, not talking. We have never really needed to talk much, we just knew. That was why we were friends.


The boys got tired for a little bit, and began contemplating the stars. Truthfully, I never liked thinking about the stars. Stars to me simply said I was insignificant compared to everything. So I never liked to look at the stars in quiet silence. Since that was starting to happen, I started to wiggle. Gina suggested we go to the car because we were cold.


The boys started playing again with a ball they had found, and Gina and I made it safely into the car. We didn't have the keys so we couldn't put the heat on or listen to music which made the car boring, but at least the wind wasn't blowing on us.


The boys eventually got bored and headed over to the car. Gina locked the doors, but forgot Gage had the key. It was only a minute before we were all piled in and heading to Walgreens for a quick pee. Like usual, Gina and I took too long for the boys liking and they left us. We didn't really care though and just hung out inside because it was so much warmer and lighter.


When the boys did come back and tease us with the car, we just shrugged and waited for them to become mature again from the safety of the sliding doorway. They eventually parked and let us back in the car. Then we drove down the first big street we came to and didn't stop. Gage was going really fast, and as we passed multiple gas stations, we were disgruntled to the gas prices dropping from 2.99 to 2.92. That seven cents could have made a huge difference!


After about an hour of driving, we made to the end of the road and turned right. We then went way too fast around turns on a black road in the country. I had lived out in an area like that until I was twelve, and was unbothered what seemed to be an abandoned part of the world. The boys seemed genuinely amazed when they realized turning off the headlights cast us into complete darkness.


We eventually made it back to civilization, and turned onto the highway back towards home. Gina and I noticed we were more than just close to the old camp we went to for five summers straight. We laughed out loud at the thought of going back for a visit. It was a nervous laugh.


We were heading back to Chris's place and it set in that for most of us this was the last time we were going to see him. Even singing loudly to songs we all loved couldn't lift the darkened mood.


We made it back into the city and parked in front of Chris's house. Carl asked Chris for his keys so he could go get clothes to spend the night which left Chris without a key to the house. He called Kyra several times, and she eventually let us in the house. We all went to hang out in Chris's room, but Chris mostly was out in the house cleaning things up.


We ended up watching some strange old movie which left me to thinking. I found myself sighing more often than not because my thinking was leading me to be sad. Gina had fallen asleep and I decided that was our queue to leave. It was three thirty in the morning.


I asked Chris to walk out with us so I could give him the rest of his stuff that I had. He should have brought a jacket because he instantly starting complaining about how his nipples were so cold they hurt.


Chris hugged Gage goodbye, then followed me and Gina to my car. I put Gina in the car because she was cold and tired and turned the heat on for her and had Chris follow me to the trunk where I had a few of his things and CD I had made as a gift for him.


Though there were a thousand things I wanted to tell him, I didn't know how, so I just hugged him. It shouldn't have been so hard to say goodbye, but it was. I was losing a friend, and it hurt. He told me that if I started crying that he would have to kick my ass. 


"Sorry," I told him, because I had already started the waterworks. "Sorry I was mad at you for so long." He knew he deserved my anger though over the last eight months though.


"Sorry I am such an idiot," he said. I sniffled.


"I forgive you," I told him in a cracked voice. "That's what the CD is for, you know?"


"Yeah...I made a mistake." I nodded, not really understanding what he meant, and wiped away some more tears and hugged him again then pulsed his arms and hands. It was the only way I could say goodbye. I got in my car and waved him away, keeping my head turned from Gina. I didn't want her to see me acting like a little bitch and crying about a boy.


We went back to her house and crawled into bed. We fell asleep almost instantly.


It was hard when I decided not to go to the airport. I knew I hadn't said goodbye like I had intended, but the thought of driving all the way there just to leave sadder than when I came was not what I wanted. Plus, Chris's girlfriend was supposed to be there, and I didn't want to meet her.


I ended up telling him to write me, and in retrospect I might have been a coward for not going to the airport. It would have been funny to see the look on the girlfriend's face. But in the end, the last thing I want to do is cause problems for Chris in his love life. He has stayed out of mine mostly, other than expressing how much he doesn't like the idea of me being with someone else.


I think in the end it's hard to say goodbye and it is even harder to say goodbye to someone you loved so much. That's just how the cards happened to fall though which can make me sad, but it gives me more experience for the next time. I'll make sure to go to the airport after Christmas.