Weekend: Irresponsible

Ambria is starting school on the fourteenth, and while I don't start school until the twenty-second plans were made to finish winter break with a bang.

On Friday, we began our weekend of misdeeds by driving an hour and a half away to visit a Staples. Why do that? You ask. Well we wanted to print off a wonderful game known as Cards Against Humanity. I was introduced to this game by my mom's boyfriend Warren. He told me that the best way to get the card game was to go to Staples. Not only do they have the best deal, but the people who created the game also suggest it. (It's in the PDF file.)

So we drove out to the closest Staples, and proceeded to wonder how on earth to send the PDF file to the printer lady with our phones. On mine, I couldn't attach a file, but we finally made it happen on Ambria's phone by converting it to a Kindle file.

We got it printed. For less than four dollars. We then went to McDonalds for a super cheap dinner then drove back to Ambria's house. Then we proceeded to drink mixed drinks and beer and cut out the card. And then we decided to go one step further and "hoosier laminate" the cards with clear packing tape. It was going fine and dandy until we ran out of tape and still had a ton more cards to go.

We decided at that point to go to Walmart. At 1:45 AM. Totally a normal thing to do. We hopped in the car and drove down, collected tape and cinnamon rolls, paid, and were on our way back home. Once there, it was almost three in the morning, (apparently we had been wandering around Wally World for a ridiculously long time) so instead of doing the cards, we went to bed.

The whole next day, we lounged around in our jim-jams and laminated cards and danced to music on the TV "I Love Music" channels. And then we texted Angi to see if she wanted to do anything. We weren't being really irresponsible.

She said she would pick us up after she go off work. We started drinking the last of the champagne, then had a few beers. She got there around eleven. We went to one bar that was supposed to have some good bands playing. It was empty and there was a guy standing at the mic with a harmonica. We left.

We went to another bar and started playing darts. But then they told us to leave. So then Angi asked Manny (her boyfriend) if there was anything he was doing. He was going over to his friend's house to drink. We were all invited.

So we went back to Ambria's house, collected the rest of our beer, vodka, and rum, then got back into Angi's car and went to pick up Manny. Since Ambria had started drinking around six, we were already feeling pretty buzzed. So by the time we got to the house, we were picking up our drinking pace.

I will admit that I get to a point that I forget how much I drank previously, so I have at four different times made myself sick because I forget that I shouldn't mix my alcohols.

Thankfully, that didn't happen. While I was mixing my drinks, (plus drinking what was there) I managed to not get anywhere near puking my guts out. After all that we had brought, plus wine and gin and even more beer, I was just delightfully drunk. It was excellent.

All the way until I was giving relationship advice to one of the guys. I think my near exact words were, "Don't be the morning after pill! Be the condom! You want to be first line of defense against pregnancy! You don't wanna be an afterthought!" And then there was hugging. Like I had said something really profound in the scheme of things.

Maybe not really.

Anyways, it was almost five in the morning so we all decided to leave. Before we got in the car, I spotted one of those really old Treasure Trolls. I pointed it out to Ambria, and we smiled a lot at the guy whose house it was. We ended up procuring said Troll.

Getting into the car was probably not one of my brighter ideas. Of course, I wasn't driving, but we all climbed into the car with Angi who was just as drunk as any of us. She was so drunk she couldn't get the gas nozzle into her car. Looking back, Ambria and I should have called Jack, (Ambria's step-dad). We did get home safely, and without incident, but it was incredibly stupid, irresponsible, and moronic to have let her get behind the wheel at all.

When we woke up at eleven, we got up, put on our jim-jam pants and went to Starbucks for breakfast sandwiches. We ate them while we drove back to Ambria's, climbed back into bed and slept until four in the afternoon. It was glorious, but I was still hungover.

Finally, I decided to pack up and go home. Thankfully, Adam was making ribs, and I was able to nurse the rest of my hangover away on my mom's couch while still laminating my cards.

I am still not done with that project, but that is was tomorrow is for. Right?

Ambria Turns 21!

Firstly, I have just made it to 1,100 page views, and that pretty much makes me feel like a boss. I think I am at some point supposed to say something like, "PLEASE FOLLOW MY BLOG."

And honestly, I really would like to have a little cult following, but I don't think I can just beg and plead for people to follow me. I figure if someone finds me amusing enough that they want it emailed to them that I am being amazing, they will do it without my insistance. With that, I will get back to my original point.

Okay, so on the sixth, Ambria officially turned twenty-one. So for her birthday, her family and I all went out to a Japanese restaurant where they cooked the food right in front of us. It was really cool, especially when our chef was flipping uncracked eggs around like crazy person. And I will admit that I was slightly jealous that he could do all of these amazing tricks while I can't even crack and egg one handed.

The salad and rice was amazingly delicious, and while I don't actually like shrimp or any seafood for that matter, I did eat the two pieces I was given. And when the chicken and vegetables finally made it onto my plate, I scarfed down as much as I could. But since I have a stomach that is probably as big as my fist, I only made a slight dent in my dinner.

The best part wasn't the food though. It was actually that the chef guy took the bottles of sake, which he used to light the grill on fire, and shot it into our mouths. It was pretty crazy. He would just take the bottle and squeeze it as hard as he could and shoot a stream for three or four counts. I don't know what the proof is on sake, but everyone was feeling it by the time all of the plates were finished.

The second best part though was when a restaurant guy came up behind Ambria and tied a headband onto her. She jumped about a foot out of her chair.

The third best part was when they came to sing happy birthday in Japanese. They turned out all the lights and came in with drums, had her stand up, and then took a picture of her. She didn't realize there was going to be a picture though and ended up looking off to her right with her eyes closed.

Afterwords, we went back to her house. Her uncle and step-dad and a couple of their friends rolled some joints and passed it around while we waited for the cake to be candled and lit. We sand happy birthday while Ambria's mom held the cake. We were all too full to actually eat the cake though, so instead, Ambria, Cousin Amie and Ambria's mom went down to the local bar, grabbed some beer buckets, and proceeded to drink so more. They didn't card, so I didn't have to worry.

Then Amie started getting Ambria some shots, and I was drinking them by proxy, so we were beginning to feel it. When the rest of her family got there, we drank some more, and stood outside with Amie while she had her smoke breaks.

At some point, Ambria and I decided to go to the store for a party we were going to the next night, so we left the bar for a little while to hit the liquor section at the grocery store. We were making my "famous sangria" recipe, and collected all the necessary things, stored them in the trunk of my car and headed back to the bar.

It was near Amie's last smoke break that we had the weirdest thing happen.

We went to stand out with Amie and her not-boyfriend Matt while they smoked when this guy came up to Ambria and I.

I wasn't drunk. I was maybe a little buzzed, but it was nothing compared to what I could be, so I wasn't going to even think about getting frisky with some random dude at a bar.

He introduced himself as "JP," but his name wasn't really JP, that stood for John Paul. But not Jean Paul. He was very specific. Ambria and I nodded, neither one of us interested in him, but he wouldn't just wander away.

"So how's it going?" He asked.

"Oh, you know, good." Ambria said.

"Yeah, just here with our family," I offered. Amie and Matt decided to join us more closely. He shook hands with them, but still wouldn't leave us be. I wasn't particularly annoyed; he was being regularly friendly, but I knew that you don't just chat people up on the street at a bar. Guys have agendas.

It started to get weirder when he asked us to come to his place at Christmas. I am going to paraphrase what he said.

"[Obviously you two aren't that drunk yet,] so maybe we can hang out around Christmas. [Since you won't be coming back to mine tonight] you should do all of your family stuff, then come hang out with me on Christmas."

"Uh, huh." Ambria and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. We couldn't understand why he was being so weird. Maybe we should have said something like, "We are jewish." Or maybe that were were devil worshippers. Thinking about all of these clever things now makes me wonder why I am not this quick when weird shit like this is going down.

I know you are thinking, gosh, that isn't so weird. Well, that was when another guy walking down the street decided to also stop. They didn't even know each other. But now we had Gabe and JP trying to get us to go to two separate Christmas parties because obviously we weren't drunk enough to bang them that night.

Matt finally finished his cigarette, "Hey, you ready to go inside?"

"Um, yeah." Ever protective of my friend though, I had her go in front of me, and Matt was the last one in, leaving the guys outside.

We got a last call at the bar, then got the lights turned out on us, so we left the bar and went back to Ambria's again. In the basement, we proceeded to get liquored up in the form of whiskey shots and Cocacola chasers. A serious game of foosball, and three hours later, Ambria was way drunker than me, and I opted to take her to her room.

We got into our jim-jams and climbed into bed, and it seemed that all was good.

Until Ambria got the hiccups.

Which turned into the puke-ups. All over her pillow and sheets and floor.

I ran downstairs and got a pan, putting it under her face so she could puke, and patiently waited while I holding her hair back. After it seemed like she was stable enough, I moved her to the bathroom.

Thinking quickly, I went downstairs, donned some Ziplock bags as gloves and found a plastic grocery bag. I went back up, and holding my breath, I scooped the Japanese food vomit into the bag. Tossing that out, I went back down to find cleaning supplies.

I have never cleaned up puke on carpet until the other night. I didn't know what to use, and I didn't have a huge cleaning supply arsenal. I grabbed the Comet and a bucked of hot water with Dawn dish soap and headed back upstairs.

I soaked up all the icky stuff with the Comet, then scrubbed the floor and wall until it wasn't brown anymore. Proud of my handy work, I went to check on Ambria.

She had been puking in the sink, consequently clogging it. I moved her to the toilet and we sat there until almost five in the morning. When she was finally empty, we moved back to her room where I had a clean pan ready if she got ill again.

Thankfully, she didn't get sick again, and we slept until almost twelve the next day.

All in all, I think it was quite a successful birthday venture. Especially since Ambria is waiting with bated breath for my birthday. She wants to repay the favor for me taking care of her by getting me sick back.

Yeah, we might be a little weird.