Regina

So, my friend Regina I love very, very much. Like this is the point where I am holding her in a headlock and give her a noogie. But sometimes she annoys the freaking crap out of me.

Now, I think I annoy her just as equally, as justification.

The thing about Regina is, she is just a little crazy. Now, she could have taken a much bigger hit off the crazy bong, so I am not complaining...for the most part.

See, she does this one thing she does. She likes guys. Which is a good thing, because she might be trying to hook up with me if she was into the ladies. Usually how things go down is like this: She sees a guy. Guy sees her. She makes sexy eyes at him. He makes a shy grin. They may talk. Its more likely they won't.

See what happens next is usually wrestling of the tongue variety.

Now, making out with someone, even if they are random, is not bad. I mean, there are plenty of girls out there who will just sleep with anyone. Regina shouldn't feel bad that she likes to make out with people. I certainly don't feel bad when I do.

But she does feel bad. Which is the huge problem here.

She is getting way more action than I am. If I had half as many menfolk that were after her goodies after mine, I would be feeling like a freaking queen. I mean, all these guys are just moping at her feet, hoping, possibly praying to get a little Regina time, when they know it probably won't be happening anytime soon.

She should be wielding this power she has over the opposite sex like a butcher wields his meat cleavers. Instead, she chooses to give me the "woe is me" story.

I don't want to hear how guilty she feels about making out with random people.

Solution number one: Stop making out with people.

She can't, because she doesn't want to feel like a one-night stand.

Solution number two: Make out with whoever you want.

She doesn't want to do that; she feels like she is being a harlot.

Solution number three: Stop complaining to me.

I am about two steps away from ripping her face off.

Okay, I wouldn't really rip her face off. But she needs to figure something out, because her complaining to me that guys are really interested in her all the time everywhere like it's a bad thing is going to make me go a little crazy.

So here is my last proposed solution.

Watch this video, and make it a mantra for everything in life.