Last Semester's Project

So, Last semester I had to do this project on urban legends, and had to create a video. And because I wasn't feeling particularly creative or awesome today, (on the contrary, I was feeling lazy and unawesome) I put this video together instead. I shows off my "creative side."

And the fact that for a good grade, I will make a fool of myself, dress as an old lady, and cackle hysterically in public. Plus I got to drag my little brother in on the antics.

Basically we did it all in one shoot, and the whole thing is just improvised. Hope you all enjoy it!

For more visit HERE!

Power Lines

So, today I was going to make a rock awesome YouTube video to add to my collection. But is didn't because some jackass cut the power lines to my whole apartment complex.

I was just being all happy, curled up on my bed watching The Tudors, getting myself ready to be awesome, and then my power cord to my laptop goes off. At first, I started freaking out thinking that my stupid cat, who has made a habit out of chewing on electrical cords fucked up my charger. But then I realized that my internet was also off.

And the turtle light.

And the fridge.

And it all sunk in.

So I wandered over to my mom's house and found out the power was out there too.

I felt like, "Fuck my life."

Instead, I took a really long nap and basically drooled all over the pillow on the couch at my mom's house, woke up, went to the Bread Company, and ate soup. My mom and I went up there so she could do her work on her laptop, and because I was so bored, I ended up ripping the holes in pants into really big holes.

By the time my mom drove us home, I had torn the holes past the point of no return. I walked home a proceeded to rip the holes all the way down. My pants are now denim strips. Oh well. Such is life.

Here is a picture of my turtle. He is pretty awesome, too.

Ambria Turns 21!

Firstly, I have just made it to 1,100 page views, and that pretty much makes me feel like a boss. I think I am at some point supposed to say something like, "PLEASE FOLLOW MY BLOG."

And honestly, I really would like to have a little cult following, but I don't think I can just beg and plead for people to follow me. I figure if someone finds me amusing enough that they want it emailed to them that I am being amazing, they will do it without my insistance. With that, I will get back to my original point.

Okay, so on the sixth, Ambria officially turned twenty-one. So for her birthday, her family and I all went out to a Japanese restaurant where they cooked the food right in front of us. It was really cool, especially when our chef was flipping uncracked eggs around like crazy person. And I will admit that I was slightly jealous that he could do all of these amazing tricks while I can't even crack and egg one handed.

The salad and rice was amazingly delicious, and while I don't actually like shrimp or any seafood for that matter, I did eat the two pieces I was given. And when the chicken and vegetables finally made it onto my plate, I scarfed down as much as I could. But since I have a stomach that is probably as big as my fist, I only made a slight dent in my dinner.

The best part wasn't the food though. It was actually that the chef guy took the bottles of sake, which he used to light the grill on fire, and shot it into our mouths. It was pretty crazy. He would just take the bottle and squeeze it as hard as he could and shoot a stream for three or four counts. I don't know what the proof is on sake, but everyone was feeling it by the time all of the plates were finished.

The second best part though was when a restaurant guy came up behind Ambria and tied a headband onto her. She jumped about a foot out of her chair.

The third best part was when they came to sing happy birthday in Japanese. They turned out all the lights and came in with drums, had her stand up, and then took a picture of her. She didn't realize there was going to be a picture though and ended up looking off to her right with her eyes closed.

Afterwords, we went back to her house. Her uncle and step-dad and a couple of their friends rolled some joints and passed it around while we waited for the cake to be candled and lit. We sand happy birthday while Ambria's mom held the cake. We were all too full to actually eat the cake though, so instead, Ambria, Cousin Amie and Ambria's mom went down to the local bar, grabbed some beer buckets, and proceeded to drink so more. They didn't card, so I didn't have to worry.

Then Amie started getting Ambria some shots, and I was drinking them by proxy, so we were beginning to feel it. When the rest of her family got there, we drank some more, and stood outside with Amie while she had her smoke breaks.

At some point, Ambria and I decided to go to the store for a party we were going to the next night, so we left the bar for a little while to hit the liquor section at the grocery store. We were making my "famous sangria" recipe, and collected all the necessary things, stored them in the trunk of my car and headed back to the bar.

It was near Amie's last smoke break that we had the weirdest thing happen.

We went to stand out with Amie and her not-boyfriend Matt while they smoked when this guy came up to Ambria and I.

I wasn't drunk. I was maybe a little buzzed, but it was nothing compared to what I could be, so I wasn't going to even think about getting frisky with some random dude at a bar.

He introduced himself as "JP," but his name wasn't really JP, that stood for John Paul. But not Jean Paul. He was very specific. Ambria and I nodded, neither one of us interested in him, but he wouldn't just wander away.

"So how's it going?" He asked.

"Oh, you know, good." Ambria said.

"Yeah, just here with our family," I offered. Amie and Matt decided to join us more closely. He shook hands with them, but still wouldn't leave us be. I wasn't particularly annoyed; he was being regularly friendly, but I knew that you don't just chat people up on the street at a bar. Guys have agendas.

It started to get weirder when he asked us to come to his place at Christmas. I am going to paraphrase what he said.

"[Obviously you two aren't that drunk yet,] so maybe we can hang out around Christmas. [Since you won't be coming back to mine tonight] you should do all of your family stuff, then come hang out with me on Christmas."

"Uh, huh." Ambria and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. We couldn't understand why he was being so weird. Maybe we should have said something like, "We are jewish." Or maybe that were were devil worshippers. Thinking about all of these clever things now makes me wonder why I am not this quick when weird shit like this is going down.

I know you are thinking, gosh, that isn't so weird. Well, that was when another guy walking down the street decided to also stop. They didn't even know each other. But now we had Gabe and JP trying to get us to go to two separate Christmas parties because obviously we weren't drunk enough to bang them that night.

Matt finally finished his cigarette, "Hey, you ready to go inside?"

"Um, yeah." Ever protective of my friend though, I had her go in front of me, and Matt was the last one in, leaving the guys outside.

We got a last call at the bar, then got the lights turned out on us, so we left the bar and went back to Ambria's again. In the basement, we proceeded to get liquored up in the form of whiskey shots and Cocacola chasers. A serious game of foosball, and three hours later, Ambria was way drunker than me, and I opted to take her to her room.

We got into our jim-jams and climbed into bed, and it seemed that all was good.

Until Ambria got the hiccups.

Which turned into the puke-ups. All over her pillow and sheets and floor.

I ran downstairs and got a pan, putting it under her face so she could puke, and patiently waited while I holding her hair back. After it seemed like she was stable enough, I moved her to the bathroom.

Thinking quickly, I went downstairs, donned some Ziplock bags as gloves and found a plastic grocery bag. I went back up, and holding my breath, I scooped the Japanese food vomit into the bag. Tossing that out, I went back down to find cleaning supplies.

I have never cleaned up puke on carpet until the other night. I didn't know what to use, and I didn't have a huge cleaning supply arsenal. I grabbed the Comet and a bucked of hot water with Dawn dish soap and headed back upstairs.

I soaked up all the icky stuff with the Comet, then scrubbed the floor and wall until it wasn't brown anymore. Proud of my handy work, I went to check on Ambria.

She had been puking in the sink, consequently clogging it. I moved her to the toilet and we sat there until almost five in the morning. When she was finally empty, we moved back to her room where I had a clean pan ready if she got ill again.

Thankfully, she didn't get sick again, and we slept until almost twelve the next day.

All in all, I think it was quite a successful birthday venture. Especially since Ambria is waiting with bated breath for my birthday. She wants to repay the favor for me taking care of her by getting me sick back.

Yeah, we might be a little weird.

Nigel Thornberry, Cat People, Mermaids, and Duck People

I had a dream last night that I was on a ship that was manned by Cat People. By which I mean I was on a ship akin to the Black Pearl and the pirates weren't people but were instead bipedal jungle cats. I was some sort of prize, because we were heading into port where I was going be used as a negotiation piece for something.

When we arrived near the rocky part of the port, there was a mermaid sitting on a rock telling the Cat People captain something in Mermish. We headed into the docks, and our boat was tied off, and I was carted off for the negotiations of whatever was going to be negotiated.

Until we ran into Nigel Thornberry.

I was very confused, and he seemed to think I was in much need of help. So he wandered off, muttering something about anchovies and how smashing the mermaids were.

I was then lead further into the port city towards the king/queen. I was feeling worried. Until the ground started to rupture.

Actually, I think that probably made me more worried, since the ground was falling out from under my feet, or splitting or some other likely dream scenario for when you are captured by Cat People pirates and taken past the borders of the Mermaid Brigade of Helpful Watchmen, (this is just the title I have given the mermaids, for whatever reason).

So the ground was cracking up and shaking like I imagine a proper earthquake would be like, (having never actually been awake to experience one) and the Cat People pirates were freaking out.

Mostly because their arch-nemesis, the Duck People, had come to the aid of Nigel Thornberry and subsequently, me. There was a big fight, and finally, I was somehow freed from my captors. I headed down the streets to the harbor where the Mermaid Brigade of Helpful Watchmen were waiting. Except they weren't so helpful. They liked the Cat People a lot better than the Duck People. The Cat people stayed on land and didn't poop in their waters. The Duck People weren't so considerate.

I thought I wasn't going to be able to escape the Cat People pirates, or if I did, I would be swallowed up by the earth because of the newly created earthquake chasms being ripped into the city streets. My outlook didn't look good.

But then, cresting over the waves of the extremely upset seas was the Thornberry RV. Eliza Thornberry and Darwin were there with a rope that they held onto while I climbed aboard, ready to make a safe getaway from the city.

But then I looked back and saw the sails of the Cat People pirates' ship heading directly our way. I was really scared, because when I looked down over the RV's railings, I saw that the mermaids were hanging on to the inner tube that was keeping us afloat. I felt for sure that we weren't going to make it.

And then my cat smacked me in the face with her weirdly fleshy paw.

Wake up, bitch face, she said.

New YouTube Video

Okay, so I thought I was going to get this done and edited yesterday. But I was lazy and having girl problems, so I did it today instead.

Sooooooo here is it! I hope you guys like my insanity.

For more awesomeness visit my channel!

My First Best Friend

Whenever I went to kindergarten, I rode the bus with my cousin. We sat in the front and silently fretted about our first day of school. I was so scared that when we finally rolled up to the kindergarten building, (because it was kept separate) I proceeded to trip over my own feet, fall out of the bus and bust my knees open.

I can still remember the red checkered shirt I was wearing that had a little bow tied at the bottom of the buttons.

After standing up, I made myself not cry as I shuffled over to the red door where my classroom was. My teacher was late though, so the door wasn't unlocked. I ended up standing there with all of the other kids ogling me as I bled into my white socks.

Finally my cousin told his teacher, (who was on time) what had happened. She came out and saw me standing there, bleeding like I was shot, with wet, glistening brown eyes. I was holding on tightly to my backpack and whimpering every time the wind blew.

"Oh, honey," she had said, bending down to my level. I felt terrified, thinking I had done something wrong. It wasn't like I wanted to injure myself on my very first day. "Let's take you to the nurse. Who wants to come with me?"

No one said anything. I had effectively made myself into a pariah with my blood stained socks and clumsy feet.

"I will!" Someone said from the back of the twenty or so students. I was a little kid at the time, littler than everyone else, so I didn't know who had piped up. Finally the kids parted as the only black girl in the entire kindergarten walked forward.

"Oh-kay, girls," the teacher said, really drawing out her okay. She walked across the blacktop, which at the time seemed like a mile.

"I like your hair," I said, admiring the clean black braids. 

"I like yours," she said. I found out later her name was Reese.

I came to adore her, and subsequently we became best friends. I remember asking her one day what happened when she stayed out in the sun for too long.

"What do you mean?" She'd responded, her braids taken out instead for two puff balls on the top of her head.

"I get all red then I get brown like this color." I showed her my tanned arms from hours and hours of baking in the sun. I looked more Mexican than White.

"I guess I must get lighter," she offered, having never thought of that.

"Maybe by next summer we will be the same color, like twins!" I was really excited at the idea of being her twin.

A few weeks later, I had went home asking my mom to do my hair like Reese's. She went out and bought a hundred clear rubberbands and sat with me on the couch braiding my hair into a hundred different braids. I felt so cool being able to look like Reese.

"Do you like it?" I asked, twirling around so she could see how my braids were like hers.

"You just need to get beads put on the ends like mine," she said, grinning. We were obviously getting closer to twin-hood.

It was almost the end of the year, and we made each other paintings. Mine was probably a tree with us standing under it; Reese with dark brown skin, and mine considerably lighter, and I think hers was us on a stage with the same skin color scheme. We exchanged paintings and climbing into the newly installed "tree house" that was a piece from one of the plays put on by one of the fifth grade classes.

"I have to tell you something," Reese said, looking saddened.

"What's the matter?" I asked. I felt sad, too, knowing there was some bad news coming.

"I am going to be moving soon. Really far away." I think I cried all the way home. I asked my mom if we could adopt her so she could stay. That plan didn't quite work out.

I hugged her goodbye on the last day of kindergarten after we had "graduated" and told her we would be best friends for life. That didn't quite work out either, but she was the coolest first best friend I could have ever had.

Ulcers and YouTube

So, as an update, my grandpa should be getting better. The doctors did their doctor tests and found out he had an ulcer which I guess was causing him to lose blood, or not absorb iron or something. The doctors gave him medication and sent him on his way home. Dad and Sharon went up to the hospital to help him get home and comfortable.

I am very relieved it was nothing serious, (I mean, I think ulcers are semi-serious, your body is like making an acid bubbled hole in your stomach...) and that he is going to be relatively fine, unless the ulcer comes back.

I woke up this morning, took a shower, and got ready to make my YouTube video, (it's about going to the movies, so it should be semi-amusing) and ended up doing three or four takes. I thought I liked it, but now I am not so sure. So I might redo it after I get done babysitting tonight at like one o'clock in the morning.

Speaking of YouTube, I recently found out that one of the kids I was supposed to be babysitting, (she is at a sleepover) apparently made some crazy ass video and posted it to YouTube.

My disclaimer: this girl is twelve years old, which makes this next part so much worse.

The girl and her friends made a video saying how they were single and "looking for love" then proceeded to give out their addresses, on mother fucking YouTube!

Not only do I think that is crazy insane for anyone to do, considering all the creeps out there in the world, but she is TWELVE!

When I was twelve, I had just started sixth grade and my free time was filled with bike riding and watching Animal Planet. To be honest, I was really late to the social media game. I didn't have a Facebook until I was almost sixteen, I never had a MySpace, and I still don't know how I feel about Twitter. The only reason I even got on YouTube was because I had a college course that required I learned how to use it, and iMovie. 

Naturally I don't understand what would possess anyone to put their address out on the internet like that. But if you are over eighteen and live in your own place, I really don't give two fucks. But if you are a kid, there should definitely be some serious spanking going on. I am completely dumbfounded by the stupidity of this little girl and her friends.

So her dad ended up having to report all the creepy ass comments going onto the video, before it was (thankfully) taken down, and all of the passwords on every computer in the house was changed plus all of the internet passwords.

Absolute stupidity.

End of the story is this: YouTube is a great power that comes with a great responsibility.